Vulnerability is what creates us
We all know what its like to feel vulnerable. Uncomfortable. Insecure. Frightened. Unsure. Exposed. This is something that makes humans, well human. And as much as it is something that individuals tend to avoid, (because as natural creatures of comfort, we tend to gravitate towards conditions that make us feel accepted and safe) - we could not grow and develop without experiencing vulnerability in its variety of forms. Its that question of - how are you able to grow if you never venture outside of your comfort zone?
However, that being said, there is a level of balance that should exist, as it is just important to feel comfortable in who we are, what we are doing, our environments, the people we engage with and trust, etc. - but frequently allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is a very healthy way to naturally challenge who we are and to develop more self awareness and strength.
This is something over the course of my life (especially my adult life) that I've been rather fascinated and slightly obsessed about. I've realized over the years that continuously throwing myself in experiences that I knew were going to challenge me in a variety of ways - mentally, emotionally, physically, intellectually, It was also apparent that I had a very keen awareness of duality of energy in my life, like in a form of Yin and Yang (probably why it was also my first tattoo) - feminine and masculine, dark and light....this made me very curious to explore the entire spectrum of human experience, custom tailored to me....so it began.
Starting from adolescence - everything from playing percussion, to playing a variety of sports, learning to dirtbike and ride motorcycles, listen to rock and metal, always getting dirty exploring outside in nature...I embraced a lot of masculine energy in my attempt to be adventurous, which made me in essence, a bit of a tomboy...but I had a yearning to really explore more of my feminine side...which was greatly subdued by my lifestyle and environment....and not that I regret being raised that way, but as I grew older (I was a late bloomer, not really reaching full physical development until towards the end of high school), I was really looking for experiences to enlighten me and get me in touch with my goddess energy.
So - thats when I started to switch gears and become more in touch with my artistic and "expansive" part of me. "Intuition" and "release" became more of the forefront in my life. I began to explore more fluid movement in the forms of yoga, dancing, health and wellness, and massage instead of sports. I began to learn and understand nutrition, food as medicine, and to explore ways to learn to heal and expand my bodily conscious. "Letting go" became more of a way of life in terms of expressing and learning.
It was around this time of college where I began to get into sales and educating myself and others in nutrition. I studied nutrition in school and very much in my personal time, as I found the connection between mind, body and food to be amazing and rewarding.
I became a rep for many reputable nutrition brands and developed a thick skin and built bravery, dealing with both rejection and acceptance on a regular basis. This also strengthened my social and communication skills which benefited every aspect of my interaction with others. I really began to hone in my ability to read and understand other people.
I also began to look at my body as a tool of expression...I was curious to experience modeling, acting, stripping, more sexual dancing and acts....I wanted to know what it was like to be a feminine object of adoration...I had to know, especially because of growing up in such a "tomboy" way, I needed to feel the other side of my sexual spectrum...this curiosity opened a doorway for me into the adult industry, which is a whole other story full of comfort zones and experiences - but you get the point.
The other form of vulnerability that I have particularly found essential and defining to my growth is LOVE. Deepening and exploring my connection with other people - including all lovers, family and friends. Not being afraid to let my guard down and learn to trust, even when I am scared to...In an intimate way - not being afraid of exposing my sensuality and raw self in both nudity, verbal expression, and my sexuality. Not being able to truly fall in love and connect into a lover with such commitment and dedication that our souls become intertwined. In friends and family - not being able to explore depth of connection and understanding to appreciate each other. Over the years, I've learned that human connection is one of the absolute greatest gifts in life and we will never develop ourselves to the optimal level without being able to connect to others. I've learned through a variety of relationships and connections what type of person I truly am, and what type of people I desire to keep close in my life. This is absolutely necessarily to live a healthy and happy life. Relationships make all the difference in the world in your personal growth and development.
All this exploring led me to where I am now in life. All this curiosity of learning and experiencing and desire to push myself outside of my comfort zone developed me into the person I am today. Without any and all of these experiences, I would not be this multifaceted artist that I've always sought and strived to be. I am a warrior of life and a chameleon of wisdom.
So my question to you - who do you want to be? Look at vulnerability as an experience of growth and expansion rather than risk and reward. No matter what the outcome is, it will all expand you as a human being. Choose your experiences wisely...and know that it all develops you into the person you are today.
I included some youtube clips that have been relevant to the improvement in my growth over the past few months. Enjoy.